western screech owl

Mom's owl balloon reminds me of my sacred life

One last shot of the balloon I helped deflating while other balloons flew over looking for their place to land. I decided to leave this area and meander my way home. I had hoped to catch a glimpse of the Owl balloon I'd seen flying by.
I drove home on a back road. No sign of the owl balloon. Ah, but wait there is a cat balloon. Oh, that's cute! This balloon fiesta has caused me to feel how I miss my mom. She loved the balloon fiesta and hot air balloons. Late in her life she didn't feel able to go out to see balloons but she always watched them on TV and always recorded the coverage of the weekend mass ascensions. All her online friends would get a report about the balloons or the gas balloon race.
So I took a picture of the cat balloon for Mom. And then imagine my surprise when I discovered the other side of the cat balloon is the owl balloon. Oh, how perfect - Mom loved both owls and cats and I've always thought they looked so much alike. This is Mom's balloon!
I treasure the balloon fiesta even more because it reminds me of Mom. And so for today's My Sacred Life post I offer these photos. Grateful to have such things to make me think of my dear Mom. My Sacred Life project has evolved to a Sacred Life Sunday post. Click here to find links to other blogs posting about their sacred lives.


The ballonists have a prayer

May the winds welcome you with softness.
May the sun bless you with its warm hands.
May you fly so high and so well that God
joins you in laughter and sets you gently
back into the loving arms of Mother Earth.

walking

This is the only digital photo I have of the labyrinth at my old house. I thought I had posted it before, but I couldn't find it in my archives. I have other photos taken from the rooftop view - but until I have a scanner I won't be able to show you. Speaking of scanners I hope to have one hooked up soon so I can begin scanning all these family photos (more on that later).

The labyrinth at my old house came to be because I had this curved patio. When I bought that house there was no longer a lawn - it was just a blank space. I was thinking of doing a circular rock and plant design and then I stumbled onto a book about labyrinths. I realized I had just enough room to put in a labyrinth.

When you live in the desert you look for ways to do landscaping in way that does not require a lot of water. Around here, it is not uncommon to hear upon inquiry of how was your weekend - oh, we moved a lot of rock.

When our current house was built the back had to be torn up to put in the septic system. Now we have a space to put in the labyrinth I showed you on my last post. This labyrinth will evolve as we go along but it's great to have the design of it already here enough to walk.

This weekend I'll be walking through a wildflower hike and hopefully learning what some of these plants are called. I'll be walking through a few of the art studios of Placitas artists. I'll be walking through my first mother's day without my Mom. It was one year ago that we learned my Mom was sick. As I walk I'll be thinking of my Mom.

As I walk I'm be sending love to my sister and my brother's. As I walk, I'll be sending healing thoughts to two of my Aunts who lost sons this year. I'll be sending healing thoughts to other bloggers who have lost their mother's this year. As I walk I'll be sending loving kindness to all who have lost someone dear to them. I have to admit I'm not looking forward to walking through the day. Tears will be there, but I hope joy in living and remembering good times too.

Yet, walk I will. Walk I must. One step at a time is the only way we make it through all these life transitions. So my heart goes out to everyone this weekend. I will walk the labyrinth and send a Happy Mother's day to all mothers and their children.

Sadness and Love

For some reason I feel sad. It may just be the spring funk I tend to get each year. Allergies can really bring you down. I hear a bird (a thrasher perhaps) singing outside my window. And I have a cat just sitting here right beside me purring. There are lots of reasons not to be sad. I just notice that when I check in with my feelings what is there is sadness. I miss my mom. It is strange how I can be going along just fine and then suddenly that grief emerges.

I've been thinking about how I can be more loving toward myself. I had a productive weekend. I caught up on paperwork and bills and taxes. Yet, by Sunday afternoon I was in the thick of trying to get stuff rearranged and put away in my studio so I could get to work on my clay project. The time went by so quickly and soon it was time to make dinner. Soon it was time to shower and get to bed and for the first time in over a month I didn't sit down and meditate Sunday evening.

I notice that I'm being a little mean toward myself for that slip in meditating. I'm also being mean toward myself because my studio isn't any closer to being a place where I can sit down and work. It then becomes hard to see all the things I did accomplish this weekend. But this is what I'm asking myself this morning - how can I be a bit more loving toward myself?

I can forgive myself for not meditating. It's a loving act to meditate and I sat my 15 minutes this morning. I can also let a miss go and quit dragging it into the present.

I can really take a moment to appreciate what I have accomplished. I could give up the notion that I need to be somewhere further along. I made progress in my studio. I made decisions. I threw away some unnecessary stuff. I pulled out some things to donate. I could just agree right here right now to be gentle with myself and say it's okay to be where you are.

The action I need to take in order to be more loving and kind toward myself is to create. I really need to create. Last week was off kilter. I see this morning that I neglected my expressive self. I didn't do any clay work and my writing time was put at the bottom of the priority list. I also really want to spruce up my blog and the sidebar links and I just keep putting it off because I don't feel like I have the time to fix it if I muck up. These creative areas in my life need my time and attention and giving myself that is a way I can be more loving.

I also think that a way to be more kind toward myself is to just be gentle when I get sad. Allow myself a little area to be sad. That doesn't mean I have to stop appreciating all the beauty and joys around me.

The weekend before last we went on a hike and I photographed some of the season's first wildflowers I'll leave you with those:

In the Kitchen.......

And the winner is...........Mom's flour sifter! I've been doing an informal intuitive test between my own flour sifter and the one from my Mom's house. I didn't really think I needed my Mom's flour sifter as I stood in her kitchen discussing it with my sister. My sister didn't want it. I wasn't sure? - it was a slightly different design than my own. So I brought it home and over the weeks I've been using it - then using my own - then using it. Tonight, after I used Mom's sifter, I was about to put it back in the cupboard when it occurred to me - no - I know already that this is the one. This is the sifter I want. I like using it - it has a design that feels good. Although my flour sifter worked and I never had any problems with it I actually have a preference for this one.

My mom cooked like most mothers of her generation. Since I came along so late in her life I have a lot of memories of her struggle with cooking. Her hands were always so sore and it was a struggle for her to prepare the food. I know she felt relief when my Dad would be away on a business or fishing trip because it gave her a chance not to have to cook. I also know she enjoyed cooking. It was sad to go through her pantry after she died because it made me realize how much she craved her own cooking and baking and how little energy she had to follow through with it.

I was making my grandmother's banana bread recipe tonight. This was the one my mother always made - it came from her mother in law. Now, it's the recipe I always make. Now I can make it using the sifter my mother used. When I realized that I had the urge to get out my camera and take a few pictures. There is something I really cherish about this fact that my mother held this sifter and baked with it. This thought hadn't really entered my mind when I was debating the merits of which sifter feels best. Now it seems so obvious that I wasn't just choosing a flour sifter - I was also energetically holding a memory. It seems as if my preference isn't so much about which works better but one of the heart and the hands the continuation of a mother's love.

This is my offering for the Sunday Scribble #52 read more stories by following the In the Kitchen links

Mom's gift

This week, I've thought a lot about what I might want to write on this blog. I even wrote a post that went unpublished. I began the week in a kind of overwhelm where I thought - I'm never going to get through this work - it will never ever end. Today, I feel like I can see an end to the work. I know I have a long way to go before the end arrives but at least I finally have a vision of the end.
What is this work I'm speaking of......it's getting through all the material things of my dear mother's life. There is a lot I could say about it all and a part of me feels like it really isn't proper to share all this out there with strangers. So I hold back and consequently......my blog remains silent.

I know some things. I know my mom did the best she could. I know she had certain physical hindrances - like poor eyesight and sore hands. I know that her young experience with The Great Depression formed her life view. I know that she was a creative charming person who maybe wasn't always able to shine because of the setbacks she was given in life. I know that I am very grateful for all my mother so generously gave me.

That doesn't change that she left us a chaotic mess to sort out and give to charity. Just when it seems depressing and hard as hard can be .......a little shift here happens and a little relocation there happens. Before I even catch up emotionally with the changes I suddenly realize I'm in a new level with it all.

Today we connected with someone who is going to help us get a lot of this stuff to people who are in need of this stuff. And some of it is going to make some seniors so happy. Lost forgotten old people who have been abandoned by their families if they even have family. I know my mother would be glad to know that her things - the excess of things her children couldn't take will go to bring joy others. I know I feel such relief and happiness about it that it just brings on the tears.

I miss you Mom.

I want to thank Lisa this week for this post. I feel so similar and reading her words helped me and rather than rewrite it all in my own words I will link to her post and say ditto.