I just got home from Santa Fe. I'd gone up there to visit with a friend who was visiting from out of state. Unfortunately, she won't be able to make a visit to my house - but I hope sometime in the future she'll come to visit. It was really good to see her. I think I may have overwhelmed her with my chattering. We had a nice dinner at a true Santa Fe place called The Shed.
When I got home I found my husband in the front yard with the telescope. He zoomed in on the sliver of the moon on the west horizon. What a neat view. I think it's the best thing I've seen in that telescope. Thankfully the neighbors bright mega watt porch light wasn't on so it was a perfect night to view the sky. I wish I could show that little moon sliver to my art group tomorrow. They are coming to my house for a meeting. This is the group called Luna - after the moon - hence the reason I'd like to show them this telescope view.
My blogging is lagging behind because I've been on a whirlwind lately and this weekend has turned very social. I do plan to do a Sunday Scribble - but it may not happen until Monday. I will come catch up with you all soon and post more soon. One more thing ----Oh, I discovered a divine treat tonight - it's a little too sweet - but oh the divine apricot taste - it's Apricot Sauce from Trader Joe's. I'm in heaven......
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
forgetful anxiety
I am tempted to write a really boring and really uninspiring blog post. I feel like it would be a reflection of my week. I cannot believe that it is already Friday and I last posted on this blog nearly a week ago. I have managed to check a few things off my to do list - but really I've had a pretty bland week of mundane things.
No art was done - okay - I have done my lumps each day - but beyond that it's like I need........well, I need an artist date...or at least an infusion of artist juiciness. I need to get into my studio for some creating and puttering time. I start to feel kind of blah - and then anxious.
Last night I did have a sort of revelation. At different times in my life I get anxiety. None of it is ever so much that I've sought medical help. Yesterday, went by in a blink of an eye - and at the end of the day, I hadn't gotten anything of real importance to me done. Then as I crawled into bed I noted - oh, I feel so anxious. It was then that it occurred to me that maybe my anxiety is related to how creative I feel I've been. I really haven't put any priority or effort into my creative life this week and yesterday was an opportunity for it, but I just dithered and drifted the day away.
So what can I learn from this? Is it possible that creative blockage starts by forgetting? I forget to make my creative life a priority and that leads to feeling less creative which spirals into less actual creative expression. And could it be that I actually get more anxious by not creating? Sometimes facing that blank page or showing my creations creates anxiety for me. That kind of working anxiety I have gotten more accustomed to feeling and I know it comes with the artistic territory. It just has never occurred to me that my diffuse anxiety that shows up and doesn't seem to have a cause - may actually have a cause - it's lack of attention to my own expression. The anxiety that seems to come up and be lurking around me and I thought it was just anxiety over life and the anxious world we live in may actually be more personal than I ever realized. The anxiety over the world is just layered on top of this first anxiety - which is anxiety over forgetting my creative self.
Last week, Kat at Contagious Creativity - directed us all to self care. In a busy life it's easy to be forgetful of one's self care. I have just finished some art projects and a recent class and so this week I thought I would tackle some things I'd been avoiding on my to do list. It occurs to me now that as an artist I need to be not be forgetful of that artist. She needs to keep moving in art - it isn't an either or situation. I need to tackle some things on my to do list AND as proper self care for my artist schedule in some creative play time. So I am seeking more balance today. I have lots of to do items and I am also noting that my creative artist needs some playtime today too.
No art was done - okay - I have done my lumps each day - but beyond that it's like I need........well, I need an artist date...or at least an infusion of artist juiciness. I need to get into my studio for some creating and puttering time. I start to feel kind of blah - and then anxious.
Last night I did have a sort of revelation. At different times in my life I get anxiety. None of it is ever so much that I've sought medical help. Yesterday, went by in a blink of an eye - and at the end of the day, I hadn't gotten anything of real importance to me done. Then as I crawled into bed I noted - oh, I feel so anxious. It was then that it occurred to me that maybe my anxiety is related to how creative I feel I've been. I really haven't put any priority or effort into my creative life this week and yesterday was an opportunity for it, but I just dithered and drifted the day away.
So what can I learn from this? Is it possible that creative blockage starts by forgetting? I forget to make my creative life a priority and that leads to feeling less creative which spirals into less actual creative expression. And could it be that I actually get more anxious by not creating? Sometimes facing that blank page or showing my creations creates anxiety for me. That kind of working anxiety I have gotten more accustomed to feeling and I know it comes with the artistic territory. It just has never occurred to me that my diffuse anxiety that shows up and doesn't seem to have a cause - may actually have a cause - it's lack of attention to my own expression. The anxiety that seems to come up and be lurking around me and I thought it was just anxiety over life and the anxious world we live in may actually be more personal than I ever realized. The anxiety over the world is just layered on top of this first anxiety - which is anxiety over forgetting my creative self.
Last week, Kat at Contagious Creativity - directed us all to self care. In a busy life it's easy to be forgetful of one's self care. I have just finished some art projects and a recent class and so this week I thought I would tackle some things I'd been avoiding on my to do list. It occurs to me now that as an artist I need to be not be forgetful of that artist. She needs to keep moving in art - it isn't an either or situation. I need to tackle some things on my to do list AND as proper self care for my artist schedule in some creative play time. So I am seeking more balance today. I have lots of to do items and I am also noting that my creative artist needs some playtime today too.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Sunday Scribble {4}
Meet my love. Here it is wearing a plain yellow beige wrapper. It has hugs and kisses on it - XOXOX - beckoning me with a come hither stare. 55% pure dark chocolate. 3.2 oz (90G) of smooth, happy goodness. Almost everyday this love offers me a little square of it's contents. I savor the melt into my mouth. Sometimes I'm insatiable and I nibble and ravish a third of the bar away. There are days when I feel low - my nerves are on edge and just having a little afternoon tryst with this divine sweet cocoa is enough to shift my world view and bring me into a state of pure bliss. I must always, always, have on hand this love. I become desperate if it's not near. Sometimes it shows up a little darker wearing a fancy red outfit. A little stronger 65% lovin' cocoa content. At times we've had our disagreements - I obsessing about it and wanting too much from it. But after ten years our love has mellowed a bit. Now we seem to have a daily sweet nothing love - oh sure passion sometimes flares - but we have lingered and balanced our love over time. When I travel, this lover comes with me. It makes sure to soothe whatever travel stress occurs. And it gets along so well with my best friend coffee. Click the link see a photo of my lover - Chocolove
You may also link to other chocolate themed scribbles at Sunday Scribblings
You may also link to other chocolate themed scribbles at Sunday Scribblings
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
And now the rocks.......
Rocks. They are made with clay!
As some of you may recall - a long while back I wrote about making clay rocks. Well, last week they all were finished with their final firing and I went to pick them up. In case you are new here I took a clay class at Santa Fe Clay which ended a couple of weeks ago. This was a project I worked on with the help of my teacher Shereen (thanks Shereen!).
It was a good class. I pushed myself to work larger. The two biggest stacks of rocks are approximately 12 inches tall. When I created them in the wet clay they were bigger, but the clay shrinks about 14% by the time it goes through all the firings. The class allowed me to try some new techniques in ceramics. One thing I really learned about myself with clay is that I find the most joy in just doing my lumps. Yet, I know there is a balance there between doing what gives me lots of joy and trying new things that push my comfort zone.
Yesterday, while at home, I spent a good part of the day painting underglaze on some of my ceramic work.. I'm trying different things and yet it's been a long time since I painted with underglaze so there is that tension of "will this turn out to my liking?" I like working with wet clay the most. I also like painting underglaze - although it's time consuming. What I dislike about the whole ceramic process is the failure of stuff - you just never know when you fire it- if - it will work at all. I'm trying to stay open to this part of the process - as a lesson in art or life or anything - all one can do is enjoy the process and not worry about the outcome. It's a reminder to just make a lot of stuff - because not every seed that drops from the tree grows into a new tree - but a certain percentage grow up, up, up!!!
Clay is an uncertain craft. You can learn techniques - and there are a lot of techniques to learn. Ultimately, those that stick with ceramics, are not afraid of failure and more importantly, are not afraid of the unknown. I think there is a lesson there for all of us - because just daily living - to love one's life - one has to be unattached to the outcome and willing to face the unknown. I think the sages would say live in the NOW.
As some of you may recall - a long while back I wrote about making clay rocks. Well, last week they all were finished with their final firing and I went to pick them up. In case you are new here I took a clay class at Santa Fe Clay which ended a couple of weeks ago. This was a project I worked on with the help of my teacher Shereen (thanks Shereen!).
It was a good class. I pushed myself to work larger. The two biggest stacks of rocks are approximately 12 inches tall. When I created them in the wet clay they were bigger, but the clay shrinks about 14% by the time it goes through all the firings. The class allowed me to try some new techniques in ceramics. One thing I really learned about myself with clay is that I find the most joy in just doing my lumps. Yet, I know there is a balance there between doing what gives me lots of joy and trying new things that push my comfort zone.
Yesterday, while at home, I spent a good part of the day painting underglaze on some of my ceramic work.. I'm trying different things and yet it's been a long time since I painted with underglaze so there is that tension of "will this turn out to my liking?" I like working with wet clay the most. I also like painting underglaze - although it's time consuming. What I dislike about the whole ceramic process is the failure of stuff - you just never know when you fire it- if - it will work at all. I'm trying to stay open to this part of the process - as a lesson in art or life or anything - all one can do is enjoy the process and not worry about the outcome. It's a reminder to just make a lot of stuff - because not every seed that drops from the tree grows into a new tree - but a certain percentage grow up, up, up!!!
Clay is an uncertain craft. You can learn techniques - and there are a lot of techniques to learn. Ultimately, those that stick with ceramics, are not afraid of failure and more importantly, are not afraid of the unknown. I think there is a lesson there for all of us - because just daily living - to love one's life - one has to be unattached to the outcome and willing to face the unknown. I think the sages would say live in the NOW.
Monday, April 17, 2006
How many cats does your tree have........
I don't really care that this photo isn't in focus - I just had to post it. This weekend we moved the cat tree to a new spot in the house and for the first time in many months it seems to have an occupant all the time - aren't they cute?
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Sunday Scribbling {3}
I must confess I felt a sinking dread when I read the Sunday Scribbling topic "When we were wee....." I've come to realize that it's the "we" part of this statement that just seemed to be a hatch door opening suddenly and thrusting me down into the loneliness that was my childhood. I've never really looked at my childhood from this specific perspective. It really caught me yesterday and held me in it's grip. I had no idea that I felt so lonely as a child. I have lots of pleasant memories of my childhood. Playing outdoors in the backyard. Imagination play. Crafting things. Roller skating.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the prompt either. I just read it and suddenly recognized that as a child I longed for "we" - meaning a family with siblings and adults who were present and engaged.
I had siblings. They were from the family before mine. By the time I was 6 they were all off to college and living their lives. We shared the same parents but we never were wee little ones together. I was an only child with a family history that I wasn't present to experience. I arrived too late as an accident. By the time I came along family life wasn't really there anymore. My parents were tired and they didn't have youthfulness anymore to create a family life for me. I also carried a lot of emotional burden for my parents. This I have explored and yet I never really connected until now how lonely it made me feel.
I wrote a lot yesterday from this prompt and I think that is the whole point of the Sunday Scribblings -to get us writing.
Here's the thing - I doubt my family will ever read this blog, but I've hesitated to put much on this blog that reveals anything too personal about others. That also means I edit a lot out about my own life experience. Lately, I have been exploring how much I dare to write about the past. This all feels too raw and so I won't be posting what I wrote about here yet. I do however, love the Sunday Scribble and I want to be a participant. I want to not be looking from the outside - arriving too late - so here is my sunday scribble such as it is - and as a bonus I will include a few of my fond memories that I believe helped make me into the crafter and creative putterer that I am today.
When I think back to being a wee child......I immediately go into the backyard. My dad liked to garden. He liked to plant his garden and pick the veggies. My poor mother was the one who mostly watered and weeded it. I remember playing a lot outside in the late fall and winter with the remnants of the garden. I'd play like I was witch and concoct some kind of witches stew. Or make mud pies.
We had a nice patio with a large cement area that allowed me plenty of room to ride my bike or roller skate. I used to pretend I was a teacher of ice skaters while on my roller skates. I also liked to play school teacher - inside with the chalkboard and my stuffed animals.
When I was a wee wee one my mother let me play with shaving cream on the kitchen table. I loved how it felt on my hands - so soft and light. I could make patterns and draw into it. As I got older I discovered that Dove soap could be frothed up into a lather to make a similar shaving cream like foam. I also remember having a set of crayons for the bathtub that would allow me to draw on the tile.
I remember taking watercolor paint and pressing my finger tips into it and making little fingerprint people and animals. I remember I loved flour salt dough and would make up batches of that stuff and make holiday decorations. I probably still have some Easter creations around somewhere.
I remember that when I read the book Stuart Little I never stopped reading novels after that discovery. Most afternoons after school you could find me in a comfy chair, under a reading lamp, with my nose inside a book.
For more - and some of these childhood memories are not to be missed - what an awesome group - go the Sunday Scribblings blog.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the prompt either. I just read it and suddenly recognized that as a child I longed for "we" - meaning a family with siblings and adults who were present and engaged.
I had siblings. They were from the family before mine. By the time I was 6 they were all off to college and living their lives. We shared the same parents but we never were wee little ones together. I was an only child with a family history that I wasn't present to experience. I arrived too late as an accident. By the time I came along family life wasn't really there anymore. My parents were tired and they didn't have youthfulness anymore to create a family life for me. I also carried a lot of emotional burden for my parents. This I have explored and yet I never really connected until now how lonely it made me feel.
I wrote a lot yesterday from this prompt and I think that is the whole point of the Sunday Scribblings -to get us writing.
Here's the thing - I doubt my family will ever read this blog, but I've hesitated to put much on this blog that reveals anything too personal about others. That also means I edit a lot out about my own life experience. Lately, I have been exploring how much I dare to write about the past. This all feels too raw and so I won't be posting what I wrote about here yet. I do however, love the Sunday Scribble and I want to be a participant. I want to not be looking from the outside - arriving too late - so here is my sunday scribble such as it is - and as a bonus I will include a few of my fond memories that I believe helped make me into the crafter and creative putterer that I am today.
When I think back to being a wee child......I immediately go into the backyard. My dad liked to garden. He liked to plant his garden and pick the veggies. My poor mother was the one who mostly watered and weeded it. I remember playing a lot outside in the late fall and winter with the remnants of the garden. I'd play like I was witch and concoct some kind of witches stew. Or make mud pies.
We had a nice patio with a large cement area that allowed me plenty of room to ride my bike or roller skate. I used to pretend I was a teacher of ice skaters while on my roller skates. I also liked to play school teacher - inside with the chalkboard and my stuffed animals.
When I was a wee wee one my mother let me play with shaving cream on the kitchen table. I loved how it felt on my hands - so soft and light. I could make patterns and draw into it. As I got older I discovered that Dove soap could be frothed up into a lather to make a similar shaving cream like foam. I also remember having a set of crayons for the bathtub that would allow me to draw on the tile.
I remember taking watercolor paint and pressing my finger tips into it and making little fingerprint people and animals. I remember I loved flour salt dough and would make up batches of that stuff and make holiday decorations. I probably still have some Easter creations around somewhere.
I remember that when I read the book Stuart Little I never stopped reading novels after that discovery. Most afternoons after school you could find me in a comfy chair, under a reading lamp, with my nose inside a book.
For more - and some of these childhood memories are not to be missed - what an awesome group - go the Sunday Scribblings blog.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Studio Friday - My Working Hands
Thanks to Andrea for suggesting this topic. I could go a little crazy with this topic. If I had a scanner I'd show you the college photos I did of my hands. When I created that series I discovered how many lines my hands have - they have always seemed old. I've been told by more than one person that it means I'm an old soul. Whether or not I'm an old soul I do know that making art is touching the soul. It's at the finger tips. I've always kept my fingernails short so they don't get in my way while working - but I do admit to a bad habit of biting them.
Ah, clay feels sooooo good. FYI holding a camera one handed - getting it to focus - and NOT getting clay on the camera takes a huge amount of technique!
Living in a dry place and working in clay means a constant battle to keep my hands from drying out to the point of cracking! Those cuticles need some lotion!
Here is my hand painting on underglaze to a bisque fired butterfly - sorry it's not more in focus - but you get the picture. I just have to say that I love painting underglaze - I go into a trance and the glaze while wet smells kind of like the first raindrops that hit the pavement. As you can see I am right handed - I have always been so envious of left handed people. I happen to know a lot of them - I even married one.
Just yesterday I picked up the finished work I created in my class at Santa Fe Clay. See, I work my hands to create hands. This is supposed to be a trivet - but it warped a little in the final glaze firing -
This last piece comes from my Semanas series from 2004. In that series I created a piece a week for a year for a total of 52 weeks. It just fits this topic so well....I even have the phrase "working hands" in it.
Given my passion for this topic you can bet I'll be traveling around to see all the other hands. Go to tinesparkles -Studio Friday to link to more!
Ah, clay feels sooooo good. FYI holding a camera one handed - getting it to focus - and NOT getting clay on the camera takes a huge amount of technique!
Living in a dry place and working in clay means a constant battle to keep my hands from drying out to the point of cracking! Those cuticles need some lotion!
Here is my hand painting on underglaze to a bisque fired butterfly - sorry it's not more in focus - but you get the picture. I just have to say that I love painting underglaze - I go into a trance and the glaze while wet smells kind of like the first raindrops that hit the pavement. As you can see I am right handed - I have always been so envious of left handed people. I happen to know a lot of them - I even married one.
Just yesterday I picked up the finished work I created in my class at Santa Fe Clay. See, I work my hands to create hands. This is supposed to be a trivet - but it warped a little in the final glaze firing -
This last piece comes from my Semanas series from 2004. In that series I created a piece a week for a year for a total of 52 weeks. It just fits this topic so well....I even have the phrase "working hands" in it.
Given my passion for this topic you can bet I'll be traveling around to see all the other hands. Go to tinesparkles -Studio Friday to link to more!
Monday, April 10, 2006
What is a daily lump?
One Sweet Lump at a time......... here is a small sampling of my daily lumps. These have all been fired in my kiln. Since I have new people coming to my blog and they might wonder what is a daily lump - I thought it was time to write another explanation post. Something I could link to and answer the question.
A daily lump is a daily practice I am doing. I take a golf ball to tennis ball size lump of clay each day and spend about 15 minutes, sometimes up to 30 minutes, making something. This practice was inspired by my friend Caroline (an amazing clay artist) and writing morning pages (Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way). I started on January 24, 2006. So far I have only missed one day - on the day I missed I had my hands in clay making something else, but I didn't get a lump made. You can read more about the back story of daily lumps here.
My goal for doing this was to learn how to show up. I needed some help getting back into clay. I own a kiln, but it wasn't getting used enough. So far, this project has re-inspired me. It has renewed my creativity in ways I had not anticipated. I have no plans to stop doing my daily lumps.
I would encourage anyone that has a passion for something -yet they procrastinate doing it - to do just 15 minutes a day and play with it. No pressure to share it with anyone else. The only guideline is to show up and do it.
I admit there are some days I'm not as pleased with my lump -it's hard to come up with something or the something I'm working on isn't turning out the way I had hoped. Yet, it is in those moments that I say to myself "this is the most important lump I'm making - to show up and be here" Not every lump is going to be perfect and that's okay because after all it's just a lump! And they all end up being very loose and spontaneous which is such a positive energy to nurture within the drudgery of living. You'd be surprised how many of my lumps delight the socks off of me.......it should be illegal to get that much pleasure out of art!
I have a calendar that I write the title or the words that come to me as I make my lump. It really does begin to add up - as the month gets filled and my shelves become full I see that I've accomplished something. I have fulfilled living my passion in 15 minutes at a time. And of course it has lead me into spending more time living a fulfilled life...but even if I never take it further than one sweet lump at a time I feel such satisfaction.
Is there something you keep telling yourself you want to do? Make it into a daily lump and get to it!
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Sunday Scribble
I've got this sitting here just waiting to be posted and I can't stand it any longer so here it is on Saturday night. The first part is a downer,but it gets better I promise..........
Real Life.
Why, oh why, does that phrase cause me to feel so low. It sounds like such a downer to me today. My shoulders droop and my head gets tense. I'm hunched over my keyboard feeling like the weight of the world is pulling at me from every direction. Real life consists of a tired body. Paying taxes. Fears of running out of water because we are in a drought. It's getting a crack in the windshield of my car. It's concern for an aging parent. Or concern about a nephew who's capable of being a captain but seems to be trying to sink his own ship before it's even left shore. Real life is how tenuous our lives are on this earth - how people my age - in their 30's are dying while on the job. They were out there living their real lives as policemen and construction workers until a sudden accident occurred. Real life is how we are out there everyday finding ways to be offended. Finding other people to hate just to make our real life feel more okay.
None of it is okay. I've been a worrier my whole life. I cannot remember a time far enough back that I didn't worry. And uttering the phrase "real life" to a worry wart like me is just like throwing a match at a drought stricken grassy field while a 40 mph wind blows. At any moment it threatens one's place in the world. It threatens one's ability to see through the smoke of fears.
So what is a woman to do with real life? I could collapse under the weight of the world. I could allow my worry to deprive me of a more optimistic view. Or I could just start to write my way out of it. I could sit here. I could take a deep breath. I could take another deep breath. You try it now - breath in slow and deep....count 1...2...3...4...hold 1...2...3....4 breath out 1...2...3...4...
I could lengthen my side body. Sit up and unhunch my tired body. Breath. Let there peace among all beings of the universe.
I could do a writing meditation......May I be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May I be free from worry. May all beings be free from worry. Look to the good parts of life. I know it is hard to see through the smoke - but real life has wings too - it doesn't have to be stuck in this hole of muck and fretfulness. Your real life is gloriously here if you can only begin to reach up and out and see.
There is the sky - the blue so pure. There is light so warm and comforting. You are married to a steady loving man. Your sister is alive and well and creatively thriving right now. I see the tears - you want so much for life to be fair. Fair for everyone. That you cover and hide your own prosperity. You refuse to see. You cannot worry yourself enough to make any other person happy. You cannot darken your own prosperity enough to brighten anyone else's life.
All you can be is a loving creative being.
Let the tears wipe clean the windows of your viewpoint. See and feel real life all around you. The purr of your cat who insists on sitting on your left shoulder each morning- who wants and thrives with your loving touch. Feel how damn good that dark chocolate melting on your tongue can be. Your real life is right here in front of you as you type on your keyboard. It's writing and how wonderful cathartic that process can be.
Real life today is a warm wind-free spring day. It's unloading the kiln and finding all your daily lumps ready to get out and greet their world. Feel how wonderful the clay feels moist in your hands. Real life is how the imagination can come in and play with you and your heart feels BIG.
Don't you dare deny it - real life is play - it is anything that makes you feel GOOD and alive. You just have to wipe away all the stuff that covers over your soul. Stop believing that real life is only "you suffer and then die". It's up to you to clean it away.
So today, my real life will be washing a few windows literally washing a few windows and maybe my inner optimism will be able to shine out. I'll state here for the record that real life is expecting good things and then looking for them - seeing them. This worrier has real work to do.....in a real life.....a good life...with a grateful heart....to wash away the worry and see....
I wrote this on Saturday for the Sunday Scribble. It helped me immensely and later I was able to post this. Happy scribbling and if you want more go here.......
Real Life.
Why, oh why, does that phrase cause me to feel so low. It sounds like such a downer to me today. My shoulders droop and my head gets tense. I'm hunched over my keyboard feeling like the weight of the world is pulling at me from every direction. Real life consists of a tired body. Paying taxes. Fears of running out of water because we are in a drought. It's getting a crack in the windshield of my car. It's concern for an aging parent. Or concern about a nephew who's capable of being a captain but seems to be trying to sink his own ship before it's even left shore. Real life is how tenuous our lives are on this earth - how people my age - in their 30's are dying while on the job. They were out there living their real lives as policemen and construction workers until a sudden accident occurred. Real life is how we are out there everyday finding ways to be offended. Finding other people to hate just to make our real life feel more okay.
None of it is okay. I've been a worrier my whole life. I cannot remember a time far enough back that I didn't worry. And uttering the phrase "real life" to a worry wart like me is just like throwing a match at a drought stricken grassy field while a 40 mph wind blows. At any moment it threatens one's place in the world. It threatens one's ability to see through the smoke of fears.
So what is a woman to do with real life? I could collapse under the weight of the world. I could allow my worry to deprive me of a more optimistic view. Or I could just start to write my way out of it. I could sit here. I could take a deep breath. I could take another deep breath. You try it now - breath in slow and deep....count 1...2...3...4...hold 1...2...3....4 breath out 1...2...3...4...
I could lengthen my side body. Sit up and unhunch my tired body. Breath. Let there peace among all beings of the universe.
I could do a writing meditation......May I be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May I be free from worry. May all beings be free from worry. Look to the good parts of life. I know it is hard to see through the smoke - but real life has wings too - it doesn't have to be stuck in this hole of muck and fretfulness. Your real life is gloriously here if you can only begin to reach up and out and see.
There is the sky - the blue so pure. There is light so warm and comforting. You are married to a steady loving man. Your sister is alive and well and creatively thriving right now. I see the tears - you want so much for life to be fair. Fair for everyone. That you cover and hide your own prosperity. You refuse to see. You cannot worry yourself enough to make any other person happy. You cannot darken your own prosperity enough to brighten anyone else's life.
All you can be is a loving creative being.
Let the tears wipe clean the windows of your viewpoint. See and feel real life all around you. The purr of your cat who insists on sitting on your left shoulder each morning- who wants and thrives with your loving touch. Feel how damn good that dark chocolate melting on your tongue can be. Your real life is right here in front of you as you type on your keyboard. It's writing and how wonderful cathartic that process can be.
Real life today is a warm wind-free spring day. It's unloading the kiln and finding all your daily lumps ready to get out and greet their world. Feel how wonderful the clay feels moist in your hands. Real life is how the imagination can come in and play with you and your heart feels BIG.
Don't you dare deny it - real life is play - it is anything that makes you feel GOOD and alive. You just have to wipe away all the stuff that covers over your soul. Stop believing that real life is only "you suffer and then die". It's up to you to clean it away.
So today, my real life will be washing a few windows literally washing a few windows and maybe my inner optimism will be able to shine out. I'll state here for the record that real life is expecting good things and then looking for them - seeing them. This worrier has real work to do.....in a real life.....a good life...with a grateful heart....to wash away the worry and see....
I wrote this on Saturday for the Sunday Scribble. It helped me immensely and later I was able to post this. Happy scribbling and if you want more go here.......
Studio Friday - cleaning the inner view
I washed my windows today. My inner view needed cleaning and I figured that literally washing my windows would be a good way to shift my inner vision. Yesterday I missed the Studio Friday topic which was "What is the view like from your studio real or imagined..."I have a very nice view from my studio but I got myself all into a funk over the idea of sharing it because my own internal view had become so clouded. This is my unofficial Studio Friday post. I washed the windows and I finally figured out how to get these button links on my sidebar properly. Thank you Laura and Greenishlady. So I put a Studio Friday link button up there and figured I might as well put up a belated SF post.
What view have you have been looking at lately and would it help to do a little inner cleaning so that you can properly see?
The creativity is contagious....
Last night I left the logo for the Contagious Creativity with no explanation. Somehow, I am going to figure out how to get that button on the sidebar. Yes, I am still struggling with how to do this the right way......I know how to do it the wrong way.
I will be continuing the artist's way journey with this Contagious Creativity group. Some new faces will join - so if you want to join just go over and sign up! Having done the artist's way is not a requirement - it just happened to evolve out of the blogging the artist's way community. Thanks to Kat we have a new place to connect.
This week has been a tough one for me - as you may have noticed from my whining post on Thursday night. It just seems like I had a whole bunch of things all accumulate at once and the overall effect has been I have no oomph. It isn't a lack of ideas - it's a lack of energy. Seems like everything is sort of bogged down. So, I'll get what I can done and please excuse my lack of inspiration. More will come soon.......in the meantime go explore the contagious creativity exercises....
I will be continuing the artist's way journey with this Contagious Creativity group. Some new faces will join - so if you want to join just go over and sign up! Having done the artist's way is not a requirement - it just happened to evolve out of the blogging the artist's way community. Thanks to Kat we have a new place to connect.
This week has been a tough one for me - as you may have noticed from my whining post on Thursday night. It just seems like I had a whole bunch of things all accumulate at once and the overall effect has been I have no oomph. It isn't a lack of ideas - it's a lack of energy. Seems like everything is sort of bogged down. So, I'll get what I can done and please excuse my lack of inspiration. More will come soon.......in the meantime go explore the contagious creativity exercises....
Friday, April 07, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
every blogger loses oomph sometimes
Blogger has been troublesome for me today. I wanted to leave some comments and it wouldn't let me - and it didn't want to let me in to write a post either. Now, it's late in the day and tonight is pizza night. It is unlikely I'll be able to get around and leave the comments I would have liked. I have felt like I'm in slow speed this week and everything else is moving much faster. I manage to get through each day, but I hit 5 PM and it feels like I could go to bed. Today I was able to stay home and just putter about. I am feeling better though not energetic enough to rush around and get more done. I just so wish that I could have a few more hours - to be able to finish the clean up in my studio and to go leave comments and write you all a real post. This is the real post -I'm tired this week. I lack oomph - but I know this will pass. So please stay tuned.....
Monday, April 03, 2006
Sunday Scribbling on Monday
word child
Recently, I've discovered new branches in the blog tree. One of them is a blog called More to Me. Well, yesterday, on Sunday I stumbled into More to Me and read this just down to this quote:
BUT, it is time for my very first Sunday Scribblings post. I am going to do a 5 minute timed writing on here & see what happens! The prompt this week is:What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?
I was curious about what I'd write quickly in 5 minutes without reading any further I wrote in my computer journal. Here it is:
Then I went back and read what Megg at More to Me had written and I went and read what Laini had written and I bookmarked the Sunday Scribblings address. But of course I allowed my critic to come in and say - oh you can't share what you've written - you say you want to write fiction but these people actually are writing fiction! They are so wonderful and imaginative and you would look like a fool. So, I dropped it and said no, another week perhaps.
Ah, but here it is Monday and I had a little jaunt around the web and discovered that Harmonyonline is playing and In Otter Space is playing and I feel bold today. I am not going to wait. I am going to start scribbling. So I gave you my original - unedited scribble. Please be kind.
and
Remember to Nurture Your Word Child
Explore the other scribbles at Sunday Scribblings
Recently, I've discovered new branches in the blog tree. One of them is a blog called More to Me. Well, yesterday, on Sunday I stumbled into More to Me and read this just down to this quote:
BUT, it is time for my very first Sunday Scribblings post. I am going to do a 5 minute timed writing on here & see what happens! The prompt this week is:What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?
I was curious about what I'd write quickly in 5 minutes without reading any further I wrote in my computer journal. Here it is:
Sunday scribblings
5 minutes - What would I attempt if I knew I could not fail?
I would write a book - but what kind of book. If I knew I could not fail then I think I would write a fiction book. Some kind of wonderful female story. Not a romance - but something about being a woman in the world today and finding her power and joy. sounds like I need to live this - I would write a book - the kind I like to read. Has a strong female viewpoint. Told in a way that makes you feel good. If I knew I could not fail at this book I would be very playful and let the characters do things I hardly imagine doing myself. You see I would have boldness to write this way as if I knew exactly what it was like to be brave and carefree. Alternatively, I would love to write a really funky - fun colorful childrens book. Something quirky. Play. I would have play be the main ingredient. What about a children's book for adults?
Then I went back and read what Megg at More to Me had written and I went and read what Laini had written and I bookmarked the Sunday Scribblings address. But of course I allowed my critic to come in and say - oh you can't share what you've written - you say you want to write fiction but these people actually are writing fiction! They are so wonderful and imaginative and you would look like a fool. So, I dropped it and said no, another week perhaps.
Ah, but here it is Monday and I had a little jaunt around the web and discovered that Harmonyonline is playing and In Otter Space is playing and I feel bold today. I am not going to wait. I am going to start scribbling. So I gave you my original - unedited scribble. Please be kind.
and
Remember to Nurture Your Word Child
Explore the other scribbles at Sunday Scribblings
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Artist Way Finale.......
Thank you Kat for organizing the Blogging the Artist's Way. Thank you deeply from my heart for all of you who have traveled all or part of this journey and have come here to visit. I have been around to all the blogs - some I visited often and some I just passed through quickly, but I thank all of you for the sparks of creative flame I received. There is so much I feel about the artist's way that it is hard to put it all into a final post. I'm really glad I got to take this journey and meet these other bloggers through this process.
Hey, my blog is 3 months old today! I actually have a lot more people reading it than I would have thought when I first started it - even more than I imagined when I joined the artist's way group. For me, it really isn't so much about how many are reading it - it's about putting myself out there and feeling a connection. I feel more connected to myself and more connected to other bloggers than I ever would have thought possible three months ago. And the journey so far has been really good for me. I'm on a creative upswing.
In these three months I have genuinely begun playing in ceramics again. I also realized how important writing is to me on a daily basis. Neither of these things have formed themselves into a goal - but I feel like I am on a creative track. I have faith that if I can just go steady on - enjoying my daily clay lumps - prioritizing and finishing some specific clay projects and just writing, writing, writing I will find out where this track is leading me.
In chapter 12 Cameron states that "Life is meant to be an artist date." Yes, that's why I'm very loose about my artist dates. I feel like what the artist date is about is in seeking out inspiration - catching trout to stock the pond - finding little glimmers of awe and in general filling yourself up. I read a quote today -
"Be more splendid, more extraordinary. Use every moment to fill yourself up.” -Oprah Winfrey
This is the spirit of the artist date and I will keep prioritizing some time to spend and be mindful of the need for this process. That may mean I will go on artist's dates with other people and I may even do tiny little things that are spontaneous and not all planned out. In my opinion it all counts. I won't continue with all the rules Cameron gave us about them - but I will continue to ask myself - does my artist's pond need trout and where shall I go to find them? I have learned there is a connection between how stocked the pond is and how creatively fertile I feel.
The morning pages are a habit now. I will keep doing them. I think I may start calling them The Daily's or my pages. I like The Daily's - sounds like news - my news. My own personal spin on what's happening in my life. A way of saying to myself - Extra, Extra read all about it! Only I am the reporter too. It also sounds like a flower to me - like a lily or dahlia. Each morning I get to bloom into a new day.
I forgot that Week 12 has the God Jar. I thought that was only in Cameron's Vein of Gold book. She explains it more in that book. Here is a picture of a jar I made in 2002. I made it in clay and later decided to paint it with acrylic paint rather than glazing it. It has copper paint too. On the lid - I put my thumb print in copper paint. For some reason I saw it as a jar that stands tall and tells me to follow my heart - and I wanted my most personal identifiable mark on it. I've used it to store various things in it - little slips of inspiration - sometimes new moon wishes - etc....Today I found info about the Goddess Lakshmi stuffed within it. I realized that in a way it is a god jar. I've never liked that name. What does that say? Would Cameron say I'm resisting God's help in creating? Something to explore. I have this quote from Wayne Dyer that I read each day because it is on a post note on my computer monitor's edge - it goes -
"This is God,
I will be handling
all of your
problems today.
I will not need
your help, so have
a miraculous day."
This makes me think of the god jar - it's a way to give God your worries so you are free to find awe. For me a god jar is a place for creative seed storage. All I really know is that I need to use this jar more. If only as a more conscious reminder to let go of trying to control it all and rest my creative seeds in a safe place until it's time to plant them.
One thing that seemed to come up so strong during this AW journey was an increased attraction to crows. And I had some synchronicity that guided me to finding this book Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. In it he says, "Wherever crows are, there is magic. They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us."
So, I send out my "caw caw caw" to all my fellow artist way's travelers......may the magic continue for all of us - each in our own most divine and magnificent ways - as we fly on beyond the AW journey........
Hey, my blog is 3 months old today! I actually have a lot more people reading it than I would have thought when I first started it - even more than I imagined when I joined the artist's way group. For me, it really isn't so much about how many are reading it - it's about putting myself out there and feeling a connection. I feel more connected to myself and more connected to other bloggers than I ever would have thought possible three months ago. And the journey so far has been really good for me. I'm on a creative upswing.
In these three months I have genuinely begun playing in ceramics again. I also realized how important writing is to me on a daily basis. Neither of these things have formed themselves into a goal - but I feel like I am on a creative track. I have faith that if I can just go steady on - enjoying my daily clay lumps - prioritizing and finishing some specific clay projects and just writing, writing, writing I will find out where this track is leading me.
In chapter 12 Cameron states that "Life is meant to be an artist date." Yes, that's why I'm very loose about my artist dates. I feel like what the artist date is about is in seeking out inspiration - catching trout to stock the pond - finding little glimmers of awe and in general filling yourself up. I read a quote today -
"Be more splendid, more extraordinary. Use every moment to fill yourself up.” -Oprah Winfrey
This is the spirit of the artist date and I will keep prioritizing some time to spend and be mindful of the need for this process. That may mean I will go on artist's dates with other people and I may even do tiny little things that are spontaneous and not all planned out. In my opinion it all counts. I won't continue with all the rules Cameron gave us about them - but I will continue to ask myself - does my artist's pond need trout and where shall I go to find them? I have learned there is a connection between how stocked the pond is and how creatively fertile I feel.
The morning pages are a habit now. I will keep doing them. I think I may start calling them The Daily's or my pages. I like The Daily's - sounds like news - my news. My own personal spin on what's happening in my life. A way of saying to myself - Extra, Extra read all about it! Only I am the reporter too. It also sounds like a flower to me - like a lily or dahlia. Each morning I get to bloom into a new day.
I forgot that Week 12 has the God Jar. I thought that was only in Cameron's Vein of Gold book. She explains it more in that book. Here is a picture of a jar I made in 2002. I made it in clay and later decided to paint it with acrylic paint rather than glazing it. It has copper paint too. On the lid - I put my thumb print in copper paint. For some reason I saw it as a jar that stands tall and tells me to follow my heart - and I wanted my most personal identifiable mark on it. I've used it to store various things in it - little slips of inspiration - sometimes new moon wishes - etc....Today I found info about the Goddess Lakshmi stuffed within it. I realized that in a way it is a god jar. I've never liked that name. What does that say? Would Cameron say I'm resisting God's help in creating? Something to explore. I have this quote from Wayne Dyer that I read each day because it is on a post note on my computer monitor's edge - it goes -
"This is God,
I will be handling
all of your
problems today.
I will not need
your help, so have
a miraculous day."
This makes me think of the god jar - it's a way to give God your worries so you are free to find awe. For me a god jar is a place for creative seed storage. All I really know is that I need to use this jar more. If only as a more conscious reminder to let go of trying to control it all and rest my creative seeds in a safe place until it's time to plant them.
One thing that seemed to come up so strong during this AW journey was an increased attraction to crows. And I had some synchronicity that guided me to finding this book Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. In it he says, "Wherever crows are, there is magic. They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us."
So, I send out my "caw caw caw" to all my fellow artist way's travelers......may the magic continue for all of us - each in our own most divine and magnificent ways - as we fly on beyond the AW journey........
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