Sadness and Love

For some reason I feel sad. It may just be the spring funk I tend to get each year. Allergies can really bring you down. I hear a bird (a thrasher perhaps) singing outside my window. And I have a cat just sitting here right beside me purring. There are lots of reasons not to be sad. I just notice that when I check in with my feelings what is there is sadness. I miss my mom. It is strange how I can be going along just fine and then suddenly that grief emerges.

I've been thinking about how I can be more loving toward myself. I had a productive weekend. I caught up on paperwork and bills and taxes. Yet, by Sunday afternoon I was in the thick of trying to get stuff rearranged and put away in my studio so I could get to work on my clay project. The time went by so quickly and soon it was time to make dinner. Soon it was time to shower and get to bed and for the first time in over a month I didn't sit down and meditate Sunday evening.

I notice that I'm being a little mean toward myself for that slip in meditating. I'm also being mean toward myself because my studio isn't any closer to being a place where I can sit down and work. It then becomes hard to see all the things I did accomplish this weekend. But this is what I'm asking myself this morning - how can I be a bit more loving toward myself?

I can forgive myself for not meditating. It's a loving act to meditate and I sat my 15 minutes this morning. I can also let a miss go and quit dragging it into the present.

I can really take a moment to appreciate what I have accomplished. I could give up the notion that I need to be somewhere further along. I made progress in my studio. I made decisions. I threw away some unnecessary stuff. I pulled out some things to donate. I could just agree right here right now to be gentle with myself and say it's okay to be where you are.

The action I need to take in order to be more loving and kind toward myself is to create. I really need to create. Last week was off kilter. I see this morning that I neglected my expressive self. I didn't do any clay work and my writing time was put at the bottom of the priority list. I also really want to spruce up my blog and the sidebar links and I just keep putting it off because I don't feel like I have the time to fix it if I muck up. These creative areas in my life need my time and attention and giving myself that is a way I can be more loving.

I also think that a way to be more kind toward myself is to just be gentle when I get sad. Allow myself a little area to be sad. That doesn't mean I have to stop appreciating all the beauty and joys around me.

The weekend before last we went on a hike and I photographed some of the season's first wildflowers I'll leave you with those: