Pema said this about meditation - but I think it is equally true for life circumstances. What you read the other day was my great inclination to bolt and my hurt. Though it's worth going back to the post because the comments are so very tender and wise. I thank you all and I know that you all unfortunately have or are having to cope with grief so I am all the more touched by your comments.
This is all I can really think to give you - an Internet
((((((( HUG)))))))
Part of the fun of blogging are the things that fly around real fast - blog awards, memes, etc....Up until recently I never paid much mind to them. They were like the background. Much of the time if I noticed it was because they only lead to more discovery of interesting blogs. However, grief has a way of altering one's perception. This latest award craze just lead me to the end of my rope because I feel this intense longing for what I want to do creatively in blogland and in real life, but it's also thwarted by all the changes that have taken place. I grieve for what once was and I haven't quite yet found the new path.
When I got to the end of my rope - I discovered loneliness. If I had to sum up grief I think I would describe it as an empty darkened room - it's lonely. Yet sometimes the field has to lie fallow in order to once again be fertile. Fallow is a grieving place - but it also means that eventually seeds will be planted again and the lights will come on and the room will have furnishings again. It also means keep the faith - and having some blog friends and a good sister to blow into your tattered sails helps too. I just hope that I can somehow return the kindness back.
I'm not going to quit blogging yet. I really do enjoy this medium of expression and I feel I haven't fully explored it yet. I've only begun. I may take breaks though I may not announce that - or I may not take any breaks. I may just get more curious about the process of grieving and write about that more for awhile. I really don't know. The good news is change happens and the bad news is change happens. And while we might come to the end of one rope there is another thread to follow even if we sometimes have to fumble around in the dark for awhile.
I do believe this all relates to creativity somehow. And so I wouldn't be surprised at all if some flowers appear and some fruit ripens again.
"Faith is not a commodity we either have or don't have - it is an inner quality that unfolds as we learn to trust our own deepest experience" - Sharon Salzberg
