Sunday Scribble

I've got this sitting here just waiting to be posted and I can't stand it any longer so here it is on Saturday night. The first part is a downer,but it gets better I promise..........

Real Life.

Why, oh why, does that phrase cause me to feel so low. It sounds like such a downer to me today. My shoulders droop and my head gets tense. I'm hunched over my keyboard feeling like the weight of the world is pulling at me from every direction. Real life consists of a tired body. Paying taxes. Fears of running out of water because we are in a drought. It's getting a crack in the windshield of my car. It's concern for an aging parent. Or concern about a nephew who's capable of being a captain but seems to be trying to sink his own ship before it's even left shore. Real life is how tenuous our lives are on this earth - how people my age - in their 30's are dying while on the job. They were out there living their real lives as policemen and construction workers until a sudden accident occurred. Real life is how we are out there everyday finding ways to be offended. Finding other people to hate just to make our real life feel more okay.

None of it is okay. I've been a worrier my whole life. I cannot remember a time far enough back that I didn't worry. And uttering the phrase "real life" to a worry wart like me is just like throwing a match at a drought stricken grassy field while a 40 mph wind blows. At any moment it threatens one's place in the world. It threatens one's ability to see through the smoke of fears.

So what is a woman to do with real life? I could collapse under the weight of the world. I could allow my worry to deprive me of a more optimistic view. Or I could just start to write my way out of it. I could sit here. I could take a deep breath. I could take another deep breath. You try it now - breath in slow and deep....count 1...2...3...4...hold 1...2...3....4 breath out 1...2...3...4...

I could lengthen my side body. Sit up and unhunch my tired body. Breath. Let there peace among all beings of the universe.

I could do a writing meditation......May I be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May I be free from worry. May all beings be free from worry. Look to the good parts of life. I know it is hard to see through the smoke - but real life has wings too - it doesn't have to be stuck in this hole of muck and fretfulness. Your real life is gloriously here if you can only begin to reach up and out and see.

There is the sky - the blue so pure. There is light so warm and comforting. You are married to a steady loving man. Your sister is alive and well and creatively thriving right now. I see the tears - you want so much for life to be fair. Fair for everyone. That you cover and hide your own prosperity. You refuse to see. You cannot worry yourself enough to make any other person happy. You cannot darken your own prosperity enough to brighten anyone else's life.

All you can be is a loving creative being.

Let the tears wipe clean the windows of your viewpoint. See and feel real life all around you. The purr of your cat who insists on sitting on your left shoulder each morning- who wants and thrives with your loving touch. Feel how damn good that dark chocolate melting on your tongue can be. Your real life is right here in front of you as you type on your keyboard. It's writing and how wonderful cathartic that process can be.

Real life today is a warm wind-free spring day. It's unloading the kiln and finding all your daily lumps ready to get out and greet their world. Feel how wonderful the clay feels moist in your hands. Real life is how the imagination can come in and play with you and your heart feels BIG.

Don't you dare deny it - real life is play - it is anything that makes you feel GOOD and alive. You just have to wipe away all the stuff that covers over your soul. Stop believing that real life is only "you suffer and then die". It's up to you to clean it away.

So today, my real life will be washing a few windows literally washing a few windows and maybe my inner optimism will be able to shine out. I'll state here for the record that real life is expecting good things and then looking for them - seeing them. This worrier has real work to do.....in a real life.....a good life...with a grateful heart....to wash away the worry and see....



I wrote this on Saturday for the Sunday Scribble. It helped me immensely and later I was able to post this. Happy scribbling and if you want more go here.......