forgetful anxiety

I am tempted to write a really boring and really uninspiring blog post. I feel like it would be a reflection of my week. I cannot believe that it is already Friday and I last posted on this blog nearly a week ago. I have managed to check a few things off my to do list - but really I've had a pretty bland week of mundane things.
No art was done - okay - I have done my lumps each day - but beyond that it's like I need........well, I need an artist date...or at least an infusion of artist juiciness. I need to get into my studio for some creating and puttering time. I start to feel kind of blah - and then anxious.

Last night I did have a sort of revelation. At different times in my life I get anxiety. None of it is ever so much that I've sought medical help. Yesterday, went by in a blink of an eye - and at the end of the day, I hadn't gotten anything of real importance to me done. Then as I crawled into bed I noted - oh, I feel so anxious. It was then that it occurred to me that maybe my anxiety is related to how creative I feel I've been. I really haven't put any priority or effort into my creative life this week and yesterday was an opportunity for it, but I just dithered and drifted the day away.

So what can I learn from this? Is it possible that creative blockage starts by forgetting? I forget to make my creative life a priority and that leads to feeling less creative which spirals into less actual creative expression. And could it be that I actually get more anxious by not creating? Sometimes facing that blank page or showing my creations creates anxiety for me. That kind of working anxiety I have gotten more accustomed to feeling and I know it comes with the artistic territory. It just has never occurred to me that my diffuse anxiety that shows up and doesn't seem to have a cause - may actually have a cause - it's lack of attention to my own expression. The anxiety that seems to come up and be lurking around me and I thought it was just anxiety over life and the anxious world we live in may actually be more personal than I ever realized. The anxiety over the world is just layered on top of this first anxiety - which is anxiety over forgetting my creative self.

Last week, Kat at Contagious Creativity - directed us all to self care. In a busy life it's easy to be forgetful of one's self care. I have just finished some art projects and a recent class and so this week I thought I would tackle some things I'd been avoiding on my to do list. It occurs to me now that as an artist I need to be not be forgetful of that artist. She needs to keep moving in art - it isn't an either or situation. I need to tackle some things on my to do list AND as proper self care for my artist schedule in some creative play time. So I am seeking more balance today. I have lots of to do items and I am also noting that my creative artist needs some playtime today too.