Filling in the form.....

This morning after two nights of not sleeping well or long enough I was throwing a big old pity party in my head and saying wahhhhh for me I have to go to my clay class. My morning pages which I managed to write were one stream of three pages of this drivel. I was saying why did I sign up for this class. It's too hard - I'm not much of a clay artist - driving an hour to get there - what was I thinking?!?!?!.....blah, blah, blah. Then right before I left I read a few lines in The Artist's Way - that part about filling in the form - taking the next small step. So I told myself I'm just going to class. I'm filling in a line on the form and I don't have to learn everything.

Cameron says,"Creative people are dramatic, and we use negative drama to scare ourselves out of our creativity with this notion of wholesale and often destructive change." Oh, yes, I do that especially with clay. I scare myself out of my creativity because I get overwhelmed by the technical knowledge and special equipment needed to pursue ceramics. And clay is often paved with big heavy chunky failures of stuff that didn't do what you'd hoped it would once it emerged from the kiln. Sometimes, just that drama is enough to scare me out of my creativity for it.

I went to class. I showed my teacher my sculpture of a head I had created at home this week. She gave me some help with it. I told her I wanted to make stacks of clay rocks and maybe an animal totem. She gave me info on how to do that. I kept working. I was feeling much much better. The day shifted and before I knew it all those negative "you can't do it" thoughts had evaporated away.

I had a few more questions for my teacher and when she was answering them she told me that she once was an assistant to an artist who made a lot of clay rocks. Oh, I thought (synchronicity) could I be asking the exactly right person for help - maybe the Source nudged me to this teacher because she could help me make these stacks of clay objects I visualize vaguely in my head. I didn't even realize this is what I wanted to do - but I needed to focus in on some kind of project for this class and this is what seemed to come to me with the most juicy energy.

Gosh, I'm tired. I just hope I'll sleep tonight....but I know that I'm just filling in the form. One line, one lump, one day at a time and hopefully tonight one sweet dream at a time.