I have one main crazy maker in my life. I love her dearly and it's not an option at this time to exclude her from my life. I've done a lot of therapy of which I'm not going to repeat here. I keep finding my boundaries more and more. I only bring this up here because I've noticed something happening for me in the last couple of weeks - My dear crazy maker doesn't seem to be making me as crazy. Why is this? Because I have picked up my life, my soul, my creative spark again. I have been making life as full and rich as I possibly can and not allowing the craziness to take anymore time than I am willing to give. That means I'm not sitting around analyzing the situation to no good end either. Once I made the clear choice to unblock and more importantly to move forward especially in my dream of writing a blog and just giving my creative passions a full chance it seems to have had the effect of putting this person in a proper place. And she has a place in my life - wacky loving crazymaking place in my life. I seem to have found more compassion for myself and for others who are struggling. Crazymaker is like a slice of the pie. Yet I'm choosing to make the whole pie sweet and luscious and so captivating that a little bitterness only enhances the flavor.
There was a time I used to have the mistaken belief that I had to either cut her out in order to gain my life back or I had to give up my own life for hers. I'd been shifting out of that place for quite some time and I've done a lot of work on myself. I've gained a lot of tools to help me cope. And yet, sometimes it still all gets to me - which has only established that I'm human. And she's human too. We all do the best we can. I don't have all the answers or have it all figured out, but I think I learned something that is important this week about focusing my attention. Now, I am doing as Mary Oliver said in her poem "The Journey" - "and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do - determined to save the only life that you could save."
Here is the pithy lesson as it relates to the Artist's Way for me:
What you focus your attention on EXPANDS.I'm focusing more and more on what has a juicy aliveness for me. I'm finding that resonance, that vibration. As I travel around and slowly but surely as I get to all the AW bloggers I have been fulfilled and nourished by each and everyone. Lately, as I go through my day I think this would be good to write about in my blog. It might be anything from small to big but it has gotten my attention - and guess what? Even if I never gets to the blog I've paid attention and therefore the inspiration expands. And I feel as if clay is coming back to life for me because I am paying attention to it, but carefully taking small doable steps and ones that leave me wanting more. So at the end of week 2 I feel a sense of wanting more.....not in a greedy way - but more like after the first bite of a cookie you anticipate the taste of the second bite oh so much more.....
