It's the New Year and that does lend itself to habits. What habits do we want to start or stop? What changes do we want to make? I've always liked the way at New Years or at one's birthday there is a sense of new possibilities as if one gets a new blank page to color on. Of course the trick is that one must give up the old page. This year I am finding that to be a hard one to do. In fact, I feel as if I have pages and pages following me around - sticking to me. It is almost as if until I get all the pages sorted and placed into neat little stacks I will be unable to let them all go. That's gonna take time - in fact, that may be all I accomplish in the New Year. Meanwhile, I really wish I could see that lovely blank page through all this mess.....
Okay, so I can see where this going in the middle of the night - it's going toward my fears, my desperate nagging worries. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not usually blogging at 3 or 4 in the morning. I find myself awake in the night having a one sided conversation with my parents - most especially my mom. I find myself awake saying prayers - pleading for some kind of comfort or grace or peace of mind.
On some level I know from past experience that my insomnia is a phase. It won't last forever. I also know that whatever worries I have right now will change. So I try to have a light touch and not grasp or become too rigid with fear.
I tell myself "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"It helps a bit to calm me down. Perhaps, it's time to wander back to my bed and as I lay back down I know that I can do some deep breathing and I can make a mental list of all I am grateful for and perhaps if I'm lucky sleep will return.
Thanks for listening in the wee wee hours of the morning........This blog will return to it's normal programming soon.........
