*I tried and tried to load a photo here but Blogger wouldn't do it -perhaps I'll try again later......
November. Already?????? Where did October go? I guess I just haven't found a way to write my blog during this time in my life. My creativity which was the main focus and motivation for my blog has had to go deep underground. It's nourishing my roots. Each month since May has brought more and more change in my mother's life and therefore more change to mine. With October we celebrated my mom's birthday and then the lymphoma took her further. My sister and I now alternate nights staying at her house to care for her while she has a hired caregiver during the day. We are doing the best we can to keep her comfortable and thankfully we have the help from hospice to figure out how to do that. It's hard to see her pull away from friends, neighbors, and even her family. I really don't know how long she'll be with us.
It's really hard for me to write about all this now. It's too close and I feel vulnerable. Words come but I'm unsure of what to share. I check other blogs. I appreciate the comments others have left me. I almost hesitate to post on my blog because I'm just not easily in a place right now where I can respond to comments. It feels rude not to respond - I just don't feel like I have much extra oomph to go beyond a post. I sort of stopped leaving comments at other blogs just because I didn't want to leave the link to lead others here to mine.
I'm just in an incongruent place for blogging. I feel almost as if I'm underwater. I am doing what I need to do to keep myself strong and sane so I can tend to my mother as she leaves this earthly body. That is the "water" that surrounds me almost every waking moment. I wish I could participate in my creative blog. Months and months ago I thought if Kat's Paws does her annual November Art Every Day I'd be right there signing up for it. You can find the link to her site on my sidebar. I do believe I will come back to blogging. I know I haven't lost my creativity - it's just working to nourish me at a deep internal level. I don't know when it will surface again but I know it will.
Right now, I am grieving. It isn't a tragedy. My mother has lived a long life and it's the natural order of life. I am doing what is necessary to stay strong in body, mind, and spirit. I offer compassion to anyone who is caring for the dying and for the dying. May we all know the end of suffering. May we all be at ease. May happiness for the present moment radiate out to you and yours.......
