I'm neglecting my blog - oh I know it has only been a few days - but I know already I am neglecting it. Tonight it feels like I want to pack my bags and run away from home. Of course I'd like to take my home and my studio and my husband and my cats with me. Oh, maybe I mean I'd like to stay home. I need a vacation at home with no caretaking responsibilities and no worries.

I was sitting in the waiting room of a cancer center today. Waiting while my mom had this big long test. As I watched people come and go I thought this place has nice architecture - a friendly staff - beautiful artwork on the walls and yet each patient walks in not fully comprehending all the lingo. I heard this receptionist ask are you here for CBC? The lady looked puzzled and said I don't know what that is? Blood work the receptionist said, "Oh, I'm here for that." She was probably taking her first steps in learning medical lingo to navigate the maze of cancer treatment.

And we still don't know what direction our maze with my dear mom will take.....but I had time to sit there and feel - feel sad, feel confused, feel angry, feel hopeful. When I had too much of that I sat and read The Da Vinci Code - but even that couldn't quite kept my full attention. I kept looking for my mom to emerge from the radioactive hub of the building and I was relieved to see her sweet face recognizing mine as she came back into the waiting room.